20th, forever.

Where are you? :'[

2006-11-22T00:50:00.000-08:00

Right MotherF I'm really scared to just lie on my bed and fall asleep.
Damn, shouldn't have think so much.
& I am still getting ignored.. & I'm really scared. But I don't know how to tell Ky what happened. He don't even wanna reply..

Damn it I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared!!!

Someone save me :'[

I don't wanna die yet.. With Ky still angry and ignoring me haven't forgive me :'[
AHHHHH BLOODYF I'M SCARED :'[

To tell you the truth : I have this feeling I'll die in my sleep tonight.

After the heart cramps this feeling lingers..
I'm scared :'[

I wanna cry so badly I wish Ky would be there to hug me :'[
Right.. Happy wishing.

Now my heart aches. DAMN its true. The heart did a twisting action just now. I'm scared :'[
Someone save me :'[

TE AMO <3

2006-11-21T23:04:00.000-08:00

Right.. I got ignored. Yeah, and I deserved it i know youre gonna say it.

News just reported that ____%(forgot) people died in their sleep during to heart cramps (sthg along the lines). I had heart cramps or liver cramps or lungs cramps(End year I fail bio nehxzs) while running at Bedok.R in the evening. I was doing the 2Km route, twice. At my last round last 100m, Damn, it came. I still finish the run, and squat'd on the floor grabbing my heart. Can you imgaine how shock was my dad?! Passer-bys were like asking me if I'm alright blahblah.
Damn, you know that moment I wished my family (all) & Ky & LeeAnn was beside me. I was so ready to say my dying speech. The pain was killing I tell you, knn. I cried and kept clutching my heart like some-pervert-dying-to-rape-a-girl. And I can't breathe after that. I was gasping for air like someone-who-can't-swim-and-is-underwater kind. MotherF, I thought I was going to die.
{Note : Sorry for vulgarities but y'know.. }
After gasping for air for 1975421329282 years, I died.
This is the ghost of Steffi MUAHAHAHA.
Lax people, lax! Its a joke alright? I'm still here, kicking alive, ready to kick Joseph's balls (ex-sc) as I remembered how disgusting he was to 'console' me and touch my shoulders.
Right... & obviously the cramps stop and my breathing slowly went back to normal. Daddy was like shouting at me to go hospital and I was crying NOT to go there.
Obviously, I won.
And the run was at a comfortable pace for me y'know. Total = 4Km. Timing = 26mins. Hey trackers, THAT IS DAMN SLOW I KNOW! Seriously, it is. I wasn't panting except for running up the 2 4 killer slopes.
Fuck, what the hell is wrong with me.
So now, before I go to sleep, I shall say my last words (in case something happens) .

Steffi's last wish / speech.

Please tell Ng Kang Yu that I will always love him & sorry for the
things I've done.
Please pass the letter enclosed to Ng Kang Yu in my red&white Nike
bag.
Please tell Lee Ann, I'm sorry & I love her too.
Please tell my whole family including Ah ma & Carin I love them and
sorry for being rude at times. They're the best family members ever.

Eh, I think thats all.

Alright I admit I wished to die in my sleep and never want to wake. That was when I was sick & Ky wasn't there Lee Ann's far away & terrible emotionally and physically.

Maybe, tonight is the night. Warnings / signs have been given.

Should I say my last words to Lee Ann & Ky? Hmmm..

And I didn't tell Lee Ann or Ky.. They won't seems to be interested I THINK. I got ignored why should they bother? :'[

Right.. Time for death. Happy?

OKAY THIS IS SERIOUS! BloodyF, what if today is really my last day on earth? Should I sleep? Or ton? Damn..
Alright, fate decided for me yesterday night or rather, today's morning (Lee Ann, Joash & Ais) .
Death God, you decide alright? (Result in watching Death Note) LOL.

I wanna die pretty.
& this will be the last photo you have of me :

The Steffi which just had one of her most happiest moment in her life.

Fyi, TE AMO means I love you in Spanish.
& I really do love you Ky.

Goodnights readers. Have a lovely sleep :]

Another 20th,

2006-11-20T22:29:00.000-08:00

This is one of the songs Ky dedicated to me on the Vol.1 (Love Story) he gave for my birthday present this year.
I was just listening to it.
I laughed, I cried, I smiled at the things he said.
:]

Its the 20th.
& I miss you..

Goodnights, love.

Because you live,

2006-11-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

Alright I admit this : I cheated and posted the first post as 1200am.
Sorry lar.. Okay? :]

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back
Like a wake-up call

I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know, what I didn't know

[Chorus]
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's all right, I survived, I'm alive again
Cause of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use
If you're killing time

I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

[Chorus]
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live, girl (you live)
My world (my world) has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live, I live

Because you live, there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me
Always

[Chorus]
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world (my world) has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live, girl (because you live)
My world has everything I need to survive
Because you live, I live, I live.

Ah, this makes me wanna cry. Don't ask me why.
All classes seems to have class chalets except my class! Ah, thats very bad! When will my class be bonded together? Yeah, we are all nice people. Hey its 3Integrity! Of course we are nice.. We are nice and quiet -.- Seriously. When I get all enthu with them, my enthu-ness {?} would not be returned and I'll be 'Damn..'
Class, lets all be less selfish okay?
I'll try to book a chalet if I can get one in time :)
I want alot of things.. I want to watch every movie with Ky, go to the beach like last time with Ky, go school and sit outside library with Ky, have endless phone calls with Ky, go crazy with Ky & hug Ky :'[
Its hard because I lost it myself but now he's back I've gotta be stronger much stronger than what I am now. Steffi must not cry easily, must not break down easily anymore. Even though its different its okay I'll make it same I'll understand this time round I'll listen I'll give in this time round. I miss us, and we'll get it back. Emotions outbrust. Okay, no more tears because he's there :]
Alright, too personal huh.

Anyway, this is what happens when you say okay to every friend request on MSN. He's my friend but sadly, I do not like his school track team (Siglap) Right trackers?! And he's been ranting about his trainings.. WTH I'm not even replying. Ah, I'll just block. Like Sim PhinSiew, 3/4 of her MSN contacts are blocked. Mine = 1/4. Sorry ~
JAson says:
can i send u songs ?
Hello, Love. says:
for?
JAson says:
i tink the songs are great..so i wld like to share it wid my friends
________________________________________________________

Now it is 9.35PM and lets cheat again.. Hehe :D

New blog, new skin, new url, new post, new beginning.

2006-11-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

Hello Readers :]
First post, New beginning.
Old boyfriend, New beginning.
Take things slowly & treasure every moment together.
Old bestfriend, New Beginning {?}
For her to answer, For me to find out.

Photos not up yet, because I have not taken the ideal ones yet -.- Need to brush up on my photoshop skills too! Meanwhile, Tag people, tag :D

If you link me, and I have not, sorry! Tag me & I'll link you :]

Note to self : Stop being unreasonable.

Special thanks for these people if not I would not have make it till now : Lee Ann, Mary Anne, Si Ning, Zhi Yin, Sylvia Goh (esp her), Hui Ting, Sha, Karen, Xueshen & random people who showed concern in a way or so. You know who you are, so thank you :]
Not forgetting the most important person : Ng Kang Yu.

I've learnt many valuable lessons and I'll not make the mistakes I've made before.
I promised, and promises are not meant to be broken in my world.

Thats enough :]

Even when the world stop spinning
The stars are falling
I'll still keep loving you
From now till forever
Thats how long I'll be true